According to Bruce Feiler, we all go through dozens of transitions in our lifetime¹. Each of these transitions is caused by a disruption — something that throws our life off the track it was on 💥. How long these disruptions and transitions last depends on many things, including how well we accept them, adjust to them, and find our centre again.
Coming to the realisation that you need aged care is one of those disruptors — and therefore marks the beginning of a life transition. If you are in the middle of this transition, or supporting someone who is, it can feel overwhelming. But there are ways to make it gentler.
In this article, we explore transitioning to aged care, and how to support our loved ones to find themselves again through the turmoil it can bring 💜.
The First Shift: Accepting Help at Home
For many people, transitioning to aged care doesn’t begin with a formal assessment or a service starting.
It begins quietly.
One day everything feels manageable, and the next, everyday tasks start to feel just a little harder — bending down to pick something up, reaching up to hang washing, or standing long enough to cook a meal 🙁.
Even when this change is recognised, accepting help is not easy.
Embarrassment, fear, or the feeling of not wanting to be a “bother” are things I hear often. But beneath all of this is something deeper — the sense that accepting help means losing independence or control.
It’s no wonder this stage can leave people feeling vulnerable — and at times, quite alone.
Gently easing into support can make a meaningful difference.
Some simple ways to do this include:
- Start small — for example, hire a cleaner privately if you can. This helps you get used to someone being in your home
- Seek guidance from an expert (such as a Care Finder or independent navigator). This can reduce the overwhelm of accessing government services
- Talk openly about what feels uncomfortable. Naming it often makes it feel less heavy
- If you’re supporting someone you love, step into the vulnerability with them. Acknowledge how difficult this is and support them to move at their own pace. Walk beside them, rather than taking control
This stage of transitioning to aged care is not just about accepting help.
It’s about adjusting to a new version of independence.
The Bigger Transition: Moving to Residential Care
Some of the life disruptors we face are more significant than others. They throw us completely off course and require us to rethink most, if not all, parts of our lives. Feiler calls these “lifequakes”, because they quite literally shake the foundations of our lives¹ 🫨
Moving into residential aged care is a true lifequake.
Leaving your home — along with familiar routines, spaces and memories — can feel like losing part of your identity.
Because of this, the emotional impact of the move should never be underestimated.
Supporting someone through this transition means acknowledging its weight, not minimising it. And then, slowly, helping to rebuild a sense of familiarity and belonging.
Some practical ways to support include:
- Create a space that feels like theirs — bring in furniture, photos and meaningful objects. This helps anchor identity
- Think about small comforts. Bring favourite treats from home, or consider a small fridge so they are always available
- Help them find a sense of purpose. Think about what they’ve always loved, and see how you can bring that into their new environment — whether that’s gardening, cooking or time with animals
- Don’t rush social connection. Let them take meals in their room if needed, and meet people at a pace that feels comfortable
This transition is not just about where someone lives.
It’s about helping them feel like themselves again, in a completely new environment.
The Wrap
Transitioning to aged care asks a lot of people — whether you are experiencing it yourself or supporting someone you love.
It requires patience, compassion, and a willingness to sit with the sadness that often comes with change.
Because there is loss in these transitions.
But there is also the possibility of rebuilding.
New routines.
New relationships.
New sources of meaning.
A lifequake may reshape the landscape of our lives.
But with the right support, people can still find a way to live well — and meaningfully — in the chapter that follows, even when transitioning to aged care was never part of the plan.
¹ Bruce Feiler, Life is in the Transitions (Penguin Publishing Group, 2020)